Life is forever changing, and for a person who despises changes its not a good thing. I had an awesome childhood, despite coming from a divorced home I have four loving parents for the most part. As I'm sitting here babysitting as one of my side jobs to make ends meet my mind wonders. It's really crazy how one text message can send my emotions into a frenzy. Love is a powerful thing, I've been lucky to have been in love once in my life. Or so I thought it was love, every girl comes into this world with thoughts of Prince Charming and being a mommy. My one thought tonight could be summed up as, being a girl sucks. I'm vowing to be different, right now. I said goodbye to the one person I thought I would love forever. I heard God speak to me tonight, telling me to let go. To leave him, to never speak to him again, it's over. The word over is so final.
I don't know what God has planned for me, and that's probably for the best since I don't do so well with change. He has that perfect person for me, and once he finds me. All this heartache all this pain that I've inflected on myself by dating someone who wasn't for me will seem so silly. I can't wait for that day, to look back and to tell the love story God wrote for me.
Everyone deserves happiness, everyone deserves to be with someone they love and who are meant to be.
Call me a hopeless romantic that's okay, I believe he's out there and I believe God is writing my love story and that's enough for me
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Gifts
God has a sense of humor we all know that, and He has a way of allowing me to talk to people about whats going on in my life, and validate how He's orchestrating my life and the way things happen. It's still mind blowing to witness his works, I don't think I'll ever stop being amazed of how powerful He is.
Four years ago June 5, 2008 I graduated from High School, I remember looking around on graduation day thinking wow this is it, I'm about to start my whole life. It makes me teary eyed thinking of that day because it's the essence of who I am. It was my security blanket, I lived in a small town I was a good kid and I had the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. Little did I know four years later God would turn my world upside down. Never did I think I would be in a leadership position at a church working with children, bringing them closer to the Lord. Yes I was a christian all my life, yes I grew up going to church, yes I love children but never did I think that this would be direction of my life.
I can remember vividly applying into the nursing program thinking thank you Lord for leading me here for being faithful and for allowing me to have this awesome opportunity. And that's when He grabbed me and told me He wanted me to trust Him and told me to not go into the Nursing program. I can remember saying out loud, What? You led me here and now you want to turn it down? I was shocked, I put in so much hard work, going to school full time both Spring Fall and summer, I was angry that He just wanted to to turn it down. And that's when He told I have great plans for you, and I just kept hearing that over and over again. I still hear that, when I feel low about something or something doesn't go my way " I have great plans for you" but it was a struggle and some days I didn't know that was the right thing to do. But I thank God for pulling me out of that situation and placing me into a position where I wake up every single day so excited to go to work.
I get told on a daily basis, how awesome I do at my job ( not in a conceited way) about how I make peoples life better or how I'm such a blessing in someone's life. And that honestly feels amazing, to know that I get to do a job that makes someone a better person or brightens their day is an awesome feeling. and it was then that I knew that this what I was made for, this is the talent or gift that the Lord has given me. As I was beginning to think about this and to process all that He was telling me, He gave me these verses.
Psalms 127:3 NLT
Children are a gift from the LORD; They are a reward from him.
Yes I dont have children, but today while in the nursery a lady who volunteers for us whom I adore told me how wonderful of a mother someday I'll be. And it warmed my heart, because it's been on my heart and I love how the Lord uses people to make me feel better.
1 Corinthians 12:7 A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other.
And then God gave me this verse, and it just spoke volumes to me, that I am here for a reason. I am in this position to help people.
And one more verse Romans 12:7-8 and 9-12, but read those on your own and tell me what you get out of those verses.
So what I propose to you is how are you influencing or helping another person? Are you being that light Christ would want you to be? Is your calling to give? to encourage? to teach? Listen to his voice, and be flexible :)
Four years ago June 5, 2008 I graduated from High School, I remember looking around on graduation day thinking wow this is it, I'm about to start my whole life. It makes me teary eyed thinking of that day because it's the essence of who I am. It was my security blanket, I lived in a small town I was a good kid and I had the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. Little did I know four years later God would turn my world upside down. Never did I think I would be in a leadership position at a church working with children, bringing them closer to the Lord. Yes I was a christian all my life, yes I grew up going to church, yes I love children but never did I think that this would be direction of my life.
I can remember vividly applying into the nursing program thinking thank you Lord for leading me here for being faithful and for allowing me to have this awesome opportunity. And that's when He grabbed me and told me He wanted me to trust Him and told me to not go into the Nursing program. I can remember saying out loud, What? You led me here and now you want to turn it down? I was shocked, I put in so much hard work, going to school full time both Spring Fall and summer, I was angry that He just wanted to to turn it down. And that's when He told I have great plans for you, and I just kept hearing that over and over again. I still hear that, when I feel low about something or something doesn't go my way " I have great plans for you" but it was a struggle and some days I didn't know that was the right thing to do. But I thank God for pulling me out of that situation and placing me into a position where I wake up every single day so excited to go to work.
I get told on a daily basis, how awesome I do at my job ( not in a conceited way) about how I make peoples life better or how I'm such a blessing in someone's life. And that honestly feels amazing, to know that I get to do a job that makes someone a better person or brightens their day is an awesome feeling. and it was then that I knew that this what I was made for, this is the talent or gift that the Lord has given me. As I was beginning to think about this and to process all that He was telling me, He gave me these verses.
Psalms 127:3 NLT
Children are a gift from the LORD; They are a reward from him.
Yes I dont have children, but today while in the nursery a lady who volunteers for us whom I adore told me how wonderful of a mother someday I'll be. And it warmed my heart, because it's been on my heart and I love how the Lord uses people to make me feel better.
1 Corinthians 12:7 A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other.
And then God gave me this verse, and it just spoke volumes to me, that I am here for a reason. I am in this position to help people.
And one more verse Romans 12:7-8 and 9-12, but read those on your own and tell me what you get out of those verses.
So what I propose to you is how are you influencing or helping another person? Are you being that light Christ would want you to be? Is your calling to give? to encourage? to teach? Listen to his voice, and be flexible :)
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Good Enough
I got to be apart of an awesome worship and prayer service last night at my church, I cherish this time with my Savior. I think that time is important, a time where I can put everything aside and worship my Savior. I have a busy schedule, not that I'm trying to boast and show how important I am, I wish that I wasn't so busy. But I'm must be diligent in taking time out of my day for Quiet Time, I've been praying for God to make me bold.
I've been praying for a sort of confidence that I could just go up to people and make conversation. As stupid as this sounds I suck at it. I need courage to know that I'm GOOD ENOUGH, He's been working on my heart with that for months now. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, I don't think people understand it's inward thing. I hear " You're beautiful, you wont end up alone" " Wait on Him, you don't want a Gorilla." I hear these things all the time, and I agree with them, I want to wait I want the person God has created for me. It's hard though I still deal with stuff that really sucks, I stay in the word I'm making it a point to voice out the pain/hurt or anything that I'm going through and leave it at His feet.
It was interesting last night, as we we're singing there was a moment when no words were said, and we got together in little groups and we prayed for people. It made it very evident of everyone's problems, and it made mine feel very insignificant. In the sense that I'm healthy I work for a great church, I have a family who loves me. I know that all the problems that I have are significant and Jesus cares about them. But my problems felt so small compared to the others that I prayed for last night. I realized my life is good, so what that I'm 23 and I'm watching all of my friends get married and have babies, it's just not my time yet. I know the Lord has great plans for me, and they are good plans.
I guess the point of this story is that He is working in my life, He got me out of my comfort zone and I met new people last night. I prayed for new people and I just got to be there which is very powerful.
I've been praying for a sort of confidence that I could just go up to people and make conversation. As stupid as this sounds I suck at it. I need courage to know that I'm GOOD ENOUGH, He's been working on my heart with that for months now. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, I don't think people understand it's inward thing. I hear " You're beautiful, you wont end up alone" " Wait on Him, you don't want a Gorilla." I hear these things all the time, and I agree with them, I want to wait I want the person God has created for me. It's hard though I still deal with stuff that really sucks, I stay in the word I'm making it a point to voice out the pain/hurt or anything that I'm going through and leave it at His feet.
It was interesting last night, as we we're singing there was a moment when no words were said, and we got together in little groups and we prayed for people. It made it very evident of everyone's problems, and it made mine feel very insignificant. In the sense that I'm healthy I work for a great church, I have a family who loves me. I know that all the problems that I have are significant and Jesus cares about them. But my problems felt so small compared to the others that I prayed for last night. I realized my life is good, so what that I'm 23 and I'm watching all of my friends get married and have babies, it's just not my time yet. I know the Lord has great plans for me, and they are good plans.
I guess the point of this story is that He is working in my life, He got me out of my comfort zone and I met new people last night. I prayed for new people and I just got to be there which is very powerful.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Get behind me, Satan!
Everyone has hindrances, everyone has weaknesses that the enemy uses to attack you. My weaknesses happen to be self confidence or the lack of. I went to a new bible study tonight, just walking in the doors I could feel the enemy filling my head with untrue thoughts. Youre not pretty enough to be here... You aren't thin enough... No one likes you.... and out loud I spoke, Get behind me, Satan! I began praying to my Jesus, Lord please calm my heart, I am here for you I am here to worship your name. I could hear him saying, I have sent you here I want you in this place, I know that He wanted me to experience this. The enemy has been working hard to destroy my confidence, to make me feel unworthy to make me feel like I don't even deserve christian friends.
And for the record the people at the bible study were beyond friendly and welcoming, I think the enemy wanted me to think they wouldn't be. I think the enemy wanted me to think that they wouldn't like me and that would think that I didn't belong there. As worship began I just kept praying that the Lord would keep Satan out of my head that I could worship my Jesus and praise his name. It's a daily struggle sometimes to make myself not believe the lies that Satan tells me. I am worthy, I and wonderfully and beautifully made. God make me the way I am for a reason, and God doesn't make mistakes.
So this is a lesson for everyone, be aware that the enemy attacks our weaknesses, do not let them. Pray fervently and keep your eyes set on Him.
And for the record the people at the bible study were beyond friendly and welcoming, I think the enemy wanted me to think they wouldn't be. I think the enemy wanted me to think that they wouldn't like me and that would think that I didn't belong there. As worship began I just kept praying that the Lord would keep Satan out of my head that I could worship my Jesus and praise his name. It's a daily struggle sometimes to make myself not believe the lies that Satan tells me. I am worthy, I and wonderfully and beautifully made. God make me the way I am for a reason, and God doesn't make mistakes.
So this is a lesson for everyone, be aware that the enemy attacks our weaknesses, do not let them. Pray fervently and keep your eyes set on Him.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Humble
I have been reading through James, which I have completely fallen in love with. I love how God can just completely bring me to the right book in the bible at the right time. I love the whole book of James but something that really has stood out to me is Chapter four.
I love how He can take a situation that I am going through at the moment and find the right verse for me :)
What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Dont they come from evil desires at war within you?
Of course I am a girl, who wants marriage and kids and the whole nine yards. I'm praying and praying for God to bring the man whom I'm suppose to marry into my life. I dont wanna settle I dont want to go about this the wrong way. A wise person once told me that if you go looking for a husband and shakin' down trees you're going to end up with a baboon. She's very wise, because I dont want that at all. So this is when God showed me this verse in James Chapter one verse 5(not word for word) If you need wisdom ask our generous God and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking but when you ask him make sure your faith is in him and him alone.
That hit me and I finally realized it, that you can ask for things all day long, but in order to receive those things you must put your faith in him. I haven't been doing that, sure I pray, I pray about a lot of things but I'm not laying my burdens at his feet. I must learn how to let go and let God take care of things that I cannot change.
I also learning, to humble myself and to be broken in front of him. God opposes the proud but favors the humble.
You see yourself in a mirror, you walk away and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free and if you what it says and don't forget what you heard , but God will bless you for doing it.
I need to not care about what other people see when they look at me, I need to not care what others thing of me. I need to be about HIS business!That HE made me, and he made me beautiful and He loves me, and everything else doesn't matter.
Monday, September 17, 2012
breakthrough
Welcome - I have had many blogs, it's something about putting how I'm feeling into words on a piece of paper. I blog, I journal I do it all - it's a sort of release that seriously makes me feel better and it's a whole lot cheaper than therapy just sayin :)
I'm a lover of Jesus, if you didnt know this blog will be a whole lot of things, from my quiet time to my weight loss journey random huh?
I had dinner with a dear friend of mine and I seriously had a breakthrough it was great and it really showed me how much Jesus loves me, as if I already didn't know. I've been going through lots of hurdles throughout the last couple of years. Any where from body image problems to boy problems and they all have been difficult for me. Sometimes it was hard to love myself knowing that I was so upset all the time. I am slowly coming out of that, it's been hard but it's taken good friends who love me and know my heart, and my Bible to get me through this. This all started when I just randomly opened my bible and the topic was battle :) go figure I am definitely in a battle right now, and how God will get you through it.
Then I closed my bible and opened it again and it was Samuel Ch 4- The death of Eli, which is all about battles and death of course. God is teaching me that the key is to be in the word, to be so strong in Him that when battles do come up, which they will I can lean on HIM and not on my own understandings which NEVER work anyways.
Then I closed my bible again, and it brought me to James ( which also seems fitting, but we'll get on the topic of a certain James way later)
I wanna share a few verses, such as verse 2 ( this is not word for word) ... when troubles come your way consider it an opportunity for great joy.
I dont know about you, but when troubles come my way I cry, I complain... woe is me. I feel like the earth beneath me is giving out. " Why am I always having troubles, why does EVERYTHING always happen to me?" thats the short version :)
But the next verse goes on about, when your faith is tested you have a chance to grow... and a light bulb goes off in my head. I KNOW He's trying to grow me, I know the reason things are being put in my way are to stretch me.
Verse 5-8 say (again not word for word) If you need wisdom ask him!! he will not rebuke you for asking. when you ask him make sure your faith is in HIM alone.
Right then and there I KNEW He was speaking directly to me, I have been asking the Lord for wisdom but not FULLY trusting him. I have not been laying my burdens at his feet.
Verse 12 goes on to say God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation.
I know He's growing me in that area, I know He wants me to be patient to wait on his time not my own.
I just wanna leave you with these song lyrics, because as I was leaving dinner, I turned on my pandora and this is what came on. I was literally singing at the top of my lungs :)
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